I’ve been reflecting lately about how we come to spiritual practice. Many—but not all—say it is need or pain. We experience challenges in life and are guided into spiritual practice. At least, that was my story.
In this last week, I read a book I had started to document my journey with my father through his terminal illness and death. I realized consciously that I had identified my pull to spiritual practice as need and pain. But that was the story of my ego.
The real truth is I was guided to practice from Love.
Love of this universe that gives us what we need to guide us back to who we truly are. Love of who I truly am that got covered over by hurts, grief, abandonment, and betrayals. Love that is the essence of who I truly am. No matter what happened, Love kept speaking and guiding me.
At the same time, despite the support of the universe and of who we truly are, we have free will. We can choose, and we are choosing moment by moment.
Am I siding with Love? Or am I siding with the one who experienced so much pain in this life?
What path will Love take? Will I choose healing and building inner resilience and perseverance? Or will I choose to take the path of giving up on my real self because I’ve been hurt—a form of self-protection that is not aligned with our souls.
In reality, it’s not so black and white. We do need to practice discernment in our actions. We need support to recognize how our egos formed patterns of self-protection in childhood that are not working for us in adulthood. We need to recover real support within us and/or cultivate it.
And, inner alignment is a practice in itself. What am I choosing in this moment—Love or fear, pain, hurt—to guide my choices and decisions?
Something else I realized as I read this unfinished book of mine: when we have experienced great Love—such as being with a soul mate, or in taking care of a loved one as I did with my father through his illness—that great Love comes with an incredible fall. The more we reached Love, the greater the pain and anguish that it opens up.
This is the work I offer with psychospiritual integration. Though there is Love, we don’t go through this life unscathed. And, we need ways to not only to come to spiritual practice, but also to untangle our ego identities and their archaic forms of self-protection—to align with our real selves, our hearts, and our souls.
It’s not easy, especially when we have experienced so much in this life. It has been my saving grace, at least so far.
My prayer: may I, may you, may all of us choose to align with Love. May Love guide us through pain, hurt, betrayal, and grief. And may we cultivate, recover, and embody what our souls came here to express.
If these reflections resonate with your own journey of untangling ego patterns and returning to the heart, I invite you to learn more about my Psychospiritual Integration or reach out for a conversation.