You see, originally our mothers were to us the most beautiful and magnificent Goddesses. Their souls love and loved us deeply and gave us their wombs and all the elements from within their bodies to bring us here on this planet. Without the love of her soul, we wouldn’t have been born.
So, we were not mirrored, not understood, rejected, she wasn’t available, and so much more.
In fact, often when our mother passes, we forget who we are and become our mother’s ego structure. We identify with her wounds as our own – her not feeling loved, her betrayals, her shut downs. Most of the time, we don’t realize it. It just feels like who we are.
We don’t realize. What if she too is stuck in the Mother Hole? She is going to her mother’s wounds and traumas and trying to heal her.
Yet, we are busy spinning in the vortex of the Mother Hole. We are busy trying to heal her that we do not feel her beauty, richness, her love for us.
In fact, we often find ourselves rejecting our own souls. We do this because we are desperately trying to fix the Mother Hole.
If this resonates and you find yourself recognizing the ways you may be caught in this program — trying to heal, carry, or resolve what belongs to your mother — there may be a deeper process of reclaiming your own soul.
Explore Psychospiritual Integration for Reclaiming Your Own Soul →
For many South Asians, the Mother Hole can run especially deep. Our love for our mothers can be immense, and precisely because that love is so deep, our connection with our mothers can be profound. Exploring this relationship does not mean diminishing that love. It can be a way of discovering more fully who we are within and beyond it.
If you’re drawn to exploring this through the lens of South Asian healing, embodiment, or culturally attuned therapy, I offer several pathways:
Explore South Asian Healing and Inner Richness →
Explore Somatic Psychotherapy for South Asian Adults →
I offer a free 20-minute consultation for those curious about this work.
If this article resonated, you may also find support in these reflections on spiritual awakening, embodiment, and psychospiritual integration:
- Is It My Mental Health or a Spiritual Awakening? — when spiritual openings trigger anxiety, depression, or chronic fatigue
- Whispers of the Soul — listening to what the soul is trying to say
- Why You Can Feel Loved and Still Feel Alone — on the difference between being loved and being truly met, and the community your soul is actually seeking
- 3 Foundational Ingredients for a Safe Spiritual Awakening Journey — practical grounding for the path
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What is the Mother Hole?
The Mother Hole is the program we develop when our love for our mother becomes an attempt to continually heal her. We start to give her what she needs or needed, and when she can’t receive what we give because of her wounding, we develop an ego program to help her. This program continually tries to heal her. Our egos can’t do it, yet they are hypnotized. This is the Mother Hole — or the vortex of the Mother Hole where our egos spin endlessly.
How does the Mother Hole develop?
Originally, our mothers were to us the most beautiful and magnificent Goddesses. We only saw her soul when we were born. We only saw the love of her soul that brought us onto this planet. Our love for her was immense.
Then consciously, but mostly unconsciously, we started to feel and sense her wounds and traumas. We experienced the effects of her ego structure. When we were not mirrored, not understood, rejected, or when she wasn’t available, we began to cultivate qualities of Being that she needed. When she couldn’t receive what we gave because of her wounding, we cultivated an ego program to help her.
How is the Mother Hole different from the Mother Wound?
The Mother Wound generally refers to the pain, lack of mirroring, or relational gaps we experience from our mothers.
The Mother Hole is what happens when, because of our love for our mother and her wounding, we develop an ego program that continually tries to heal her. We keep trying to give her what she needs or needed, but we fail continuously.
The Mother Hole is the vortex where our egos keep spinning, trying to fix something we cannot fix.
Can the Mother Hole continue after our mother dies?
Yes. Whether our mother is still alive or she has passed, we can be stuck in the Mother Hole.
In fact, often when our mother passes, we forget who we are and become our mother’s ego structure. We identify with her wounds as our own — her not feeling loved, her betrayals, her shut downs. Most of the time, we don’t realize it. It just feels like who we are.
How do I know if I am in the Mother Hole?
The next time you find yourself hypnotized in a feeling, like sadness, guilt, grief, etc., ask yourself — is this the Mother Hole?
You can also ask yourself: Am I in the Mother Hole or am I in touch with my soul?
Or more simply — am I in Love or out of Love?
How do I get out of the Mother Hole?
One of the ways to get out of the program is to become aware of it.
When you become present, even for a moment, you retrieve yourself from the Mother Hole for that moment. As we become aware of the Mother Hole, we can start to contact our mother’s soul.
Our inner work changes as we retrieve our souls. We are meant to reconnect with the soul of our mothers. We are meant to retrieve our own beloved soul.
What happens when we are caught in the Mother Hole?
We can become so busy trying to heal our mother that we do not feel her beauty, richness, or her love for us. We may even find ourselves rejecting our own souls because we are desperately trying to fix the Mother Hole.
The Mother Hole is one of the deepest programs we hold in our unconscious. It keeps our ego intact. It prevents us from living our fulfillment. So it is well guarded to be kept out of our consciousness.