Last night, I awoke after days of struggling and feeling broken.
Something in me in that instant recognized my soul quest (or purpose) and brought along with it the nature of my soul. It was so simple. In that moment, I recognized myself—decades of my life flashed before me as I recognized how I’ve always been seeking—just this one quest.
Simple.
I could feel my heart, my soul as a living presence soothing, gentle, tender.
I felt in that moment alignment with the universe, alignment with God/Goddess. And oneness with my soul. I couldn’t believe how simple it was. Or how despite my seeking all my life, how removed and dissociated I had become all of these years from this feeling and knowing.
It wasn’t easy to get here.
You see our biggest traumas aren’t what we suffered in life—abuse, loss, grief, divorce or lost relationships, betrayals, loneliness, etc. Yes, they were immense and we suffered immensely.
What made them traumas were because when they happened, we disconnected from the nature of our real selves and our souls.
This is why when we stop our healing work on the level of what we experienced rather than what we lost of ourselves, we don’t rest. We can’t. We suffer, sometimes unknowingly in our lives—our relationships, our jobs, our inner states of sadness, fear, hopelessness, etc.
Often we dissociate because we don’t know the way back and because we are so scared, vulnerable, alone and lost. We forget.
I too forgot. I dissociated from feeling terror and fear, vulnerable, alone in the world and lost.
What got me through isn’t the sheer will of my ego—even though it would like to take the credit. It has been Grace that put me in the circumstances that I needed to help me do my inner work and following the YES of my soul. And, adding an extra topping to that of more Grace to be held and loved by unseen forces and Beings.
Would I have realized my soul quest simply from the Grace of God/Goddess/High Beings? In all honesty, it would be unlikely. Because though I have received a lot from loving and high Beings, I could not integrate their blessings without doing my part of the work.
I continue my path—to nurture this realization and oneness with my soul and soul quest. I pray to actualize, more than just realize. I know more is coming, more healing of what suffering I experienced in life to lead me back… back to reconnection, reclamation of the nature of my real self and my soul.
May we reclaim, realize and actualize, the beauty and preciousness of who we really are.
If this resonates and you feel ready to explore the deeper work of reclaiming what was lost — not just healing what happened — I offer a free 20-minute consultation. Psychospiritual integration mentorship is available worldwide.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
What does it mean to heal what we lost of ourselves, rather than what we experienced?
Healing what we experienced means focusing entirely on the story—the event, the relationship that ended, or the trauma itself. While processing the event is necessary, true rest only comes when we pivot our attention to the disconnection that followed. Healing what we lost means tracking where your vital energy, your openness, or your boundaries went offline, and doing the deep inner work to reclaim those specific, frozen parts of your essence.
What is the difference between realizing my soul’s purpose and actualizing it?
Realizing your soul quest is a beautiful, sudden moment of clarity—an awakening or a flash of absolute knowing where you finally recognize yourself and your alignment with the universe. Actualizing it, however, is a lifelong, grounded practice. It is the conscious, daily work of integrating that blessing into your physical body, your relationships, your career, and your human vulnerabilities so that your realization becomes a living, breathing reality.
If this article resonated, you may also find support in these reflections on spiritual awakening, embodiment, and psychospiritual integration:
- Is It My Mental Health or a Spiritual Awakening? — on how spiritual openings surface our deepest wounds
- The Missing Instructions: Why Being High-Functioning Still Feels Like a Struggle — on the soul parenting we never received
- Coming to the Maturity of Our Real Selves from the Highs of Spirituality — on the path from realization to actualization
- The Pendulum of Awakening — on what happens after a spiritual opening