“I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in the darkness, the astonishing light of your own being.” – Hafiz
As I grapple lately with increased feelings of uncertainty, I notice a quiet terror building internally. In response, I find myself grasping to hold on to some form that will give me the illusion of safety and protection. My ego scrambles around to see what will soothe it. I clutch to some old form of identity or outer structure that once supported me, while at the same time aware that it isn’t fulfilling it’s function of soothing me. In fact, it feels effortful to clutch. Oh, this pattern is too familiar for me.
I have many times in the past clutched on to something that had already fulfilled it’s purpose. It was time to let go. I resisted, screamed, gripped. In the end though, the universe came in with stronger and stronger force to “help” me to let go. What a painful process it can be. Yet, there is a deep breath of relief when I do eventually release what no longer serves me.
It can be terrifying to let go of what’s familiar and known, especially when it leaves a space for something new to come in that has not yet arrived. In those instances, we have to let go to make space within for something more aligned to come towards us. It takes trust. Trust that we will be taken care of even though we feel like we are falling endlessly. Trust that this loving universe will ultimately provide a ground for us to land on.
I notice that though it does not feel comfortable to fall endlessly, there is a sense of “me-ness”, excitement, agency, and freedom that arises as I stay present to my feelings. There is a feeling of trust that I’m going to attract just the “right” things to move forward. My body starts to feel internally strong, with my feet planted firmly on the floor and my spine feels upright effortlessly.
There is also a small voice of fear that is present. Despite being small, it is strong in it’s desire to be held. I realize what an ancient struggle this is, dating back to early childhood of taking on an identity of smallness in order to feel safe. As children, we’re vulnerable because we need to be cared for to survive. We let go of pieces of our true nature and those young parts get frozen within us. In presence, I notice both the young part of me and the one who is powerful. I see that I am too big to fit myself into something smaller.
I realize that the way forward is taking a step towards what I want. When I do that, I let the universe know what I truly desire. I get aligned. My work is to step forward into the mystery, trusting that there will be ground when I put my foot down. And then take the next step. And the next step. Listening within with each step.
My hope in sharing this deeply personal process with you is that it touches some part of you that wants to live in alignment with yourself, in relationship with the universe and the divine. Please share how this piece has shaken, inspired, or supported you in your journey. I love to work with people who are committed to their relationship with the divine, are struggling and efforting to create the life that they want, and who want to create that life from a space of ease and well being.
Connecting with Your Future Self Meditation is particularly beneficial when either the collective or you personally are experiencing some level of unknown (is that ever not true?). In the meditation, you choose and connect with your future, wise self and receive a gift from it. You connect with your source, which is Love.
May you find the universe faithfully offering ground for your foot to land on as you take each step forward towards your authentic self and deepest desires.