Transformation is a messy path. You will be raw. You will feel vulnerable. You will feel discomfort. There will be times when you feel immense rage. Moreover, there will be times when you feel as though there is no ground to support you as old ways leave and new ones aren’t quite established. Yet as I sit here, I feel deeply disappointed that car trouble prevented me from going to a transformational process group tonight.
Transformation is so addictive. It’s hard to go back to old ways of being that at one point felt like reality and what was known. Now, I realize how empty and dry those ways of being were and still are. Grace is a small taste of nectar, letting us know how much more is available and we can no longer settle for empty and dry.
One of the teachings we come across in the path of transformation is to find a hole and dig it deep, instead of digging many holes. I’ve been guilty of digging many holes over the years. The truth is I would get to a point where the particular path I was following would be co-opted by my ego. So, while I was meditating 12 hours or more a day on a retreat, I would still get lost in the expansion of inner trauma. I’m not saying everyone gets lost in trauma when doing an inner transformation work. That was a specialty of mine that I’m sure I share with some others. Each egoic pattern has their own specialty in how we get lost on the path of transformation.
The point is, what I found was that often what gets lost from the teachings is the importance of focusing on an inner sense of well being, joy, and play. Yes, stuff will come up. There is no way around it. It took me some time and digging of various holes to find teachings that soothe me, focus on well-being and play, and on feeling empowered to connect within.
What was once I “should” meditate for five minutes a day became a delicious yoga practice most days of a week quickly and effortlessly. Though my breath was one of the hardest points to focus on, I connected easily with nature during walks and hikes. Practice was for many years a deep need for me to survive and to function, whereas the feeling of love is a growing bud of a plant.
Where are you on your transformation path? What are you longing for to have more of in your connection to your higher self? Are you feeling enough nourishment and play on this path? If not, how could you introduce it more? I would love to hear from you!
In my work with coaching, I love and feel quite nourished by supporting people to connect in with their own inner wisdom and their own path of transformation. I admit I absolutely love offering guided meditations as I enter into spaces where I get to tune in the other and we often reach rich and expansive spaces together. These meditations often support the person whom I’m guiding to come up with their own knowing and answers. It’s beautiful to be a part of.
I’m continuing to offer free group guided meditations currently. If you feel inclined to work with me more deeply, a group meditation can give you a taste of the delicious spaces we can journey to together. Though group meditations are different since I’m tuning in to the energy of the group and are not individualized to your experience in the moment, they are a great way to connect and listen within.