I remember living in a magical universe. No one taught me that it was magical; some part of me just knew that there is a real, living relationship between this universe and me. In this relationship, I show up with my open, innocent heart, asking repeatedly for what I want. There is a sense of entitlement and I won’t back down from asking, even if I don’t get an answer right away or anytime soon. And, incredibly there is abundance. I have expectations to receive what I ask for and I am ready to receive. In return, the universe offers a myriad of choices for me to select from. The question is if I’m willing to show up, are you [the universe] going to meet me where I am? The answer is ‘Yes’, given that I show up at my edge and stay in the relationship no matter what.
That was before, much before. As I think back, I can’t quite pinpoint the time when this relationship with the universe stopped being magical. You see, I have always also seen the contrast, in events and relationships throughout my life. I walked to the edge, showing up fully and remained unmet in those places. I stayed present to my feelings of disappointment, anger and loneliness. Staying present with those feelings, I remained in connection with the universe, continuing the conversation about times I didn’t feel met.
At some point though, I ended up breaking off from the relationship with the universe. I made a decision to contract, to not feel my feelings and to relate with people and situations as a compromise. I stopped being in a living, evolving relationship with the universe.
When I contracted, I stopped showing up. Situations and personal relationships stopped evolving towards authenticity and true intimacy. I even forgot what my truth was. Instead, there was a blanket of numbness and a veneer of safety and connection. Since I had stopped relating with the universe, I also stopped receiving abundance. I started settling for smallness, not even realizing that wasn’t me. Despite my turning away, the universe continued its relationship with me, offering me choices, but I was not willing to engage. I spent too much time focusing on what I wasn’t receiving to notice what was coming my way most of the time. I was too busy trying to control what was happening to me to open to all that could be experienced. Sound familiar?
It is tempting to sit down and write all those things that went wrong that taught me to not be in a magical relationship with the universe – to figure this out. Although I can see how it may be helpful to see those moments or events, I realize looking at all the wrong turns can feel like going down a rabbit hole within.
Instead, I connect with the one I have forgotten – the one who knew all about magic. I remember how many hopes she had, what her expectations were and all the times the universe responded. Pretty soon, I can feel her enthusiasm, her confidence and her play.
Today, I’d like to invite you to get quiet and connect with the one within who knows that magical relationship between you and the universe. The one who knows how precious you are, how important you are, and what a gift you are in this universe. Remembering that one, calling on that one is inviting that one to show up more in your life.
It may not happen in a moment and I know it can be challenging. But, there are ways to overcome those challenges to uncover and reclaim yourself. I invite you to remember that you are not alone. You are not stuck. You have the power to shift how you experience yourself in this universe, in your relationships, in your life. You are not small, but magnificent. You are born to be loved, for exactly who you are. The universe is waiting for you to come back and engage in this magical relationship. Who knows what kind of magic will unfold in your life!